Only In Israel

By Efraim Kishon

Israel is a country surrounded on all sides by enemies, but the
people’s headaches are caused by the neighbors upstairs.

Israel is a country where the same drivers who cuss you and flip you
the bird will immediately pull over and offer you all forms of help if you
look like you need it.

Israel is the only country in the world with bus drivers and taxi
drivers who read Spinoza and Maimonides.

Israel is the only country in the world where no one cares what
rules say when an important goal can be achieved by bending them.”(Which is
why their accomplishments are the greatest in the world)”

Israel is the only country in the world where reservists are bossed
around and commanded by officers, male and female, younger than their own
children..

Israel is the only country in the world where “small talk” consists
of loud, angry debate over politics and religion.

Israel is the only country in the world where the coffee is already
so good that Starbucks went bankrupt trying to break into the local market.

Israel is one of the few places in the world where the sun sets into
the Mediterranean Sea.

Israel is the only country in the world whose soldiers eat three
sets of salads a day, none of which contain any lettuce (which is not really
a food), and where olives ARE a food and even a main course in a meal,
rather than something one tosses into a martini.

Israel is the only country in the world where one is unlikely to dig
a cellar without hitting ancient archaeological artifacts.

Israel is the only country in the world where the leading writers in
the country take buses.

Israel is the only country in the world where the graffiti is in
Hebrew.

Israel is the only country in the world where the “black folks”
walking around all wear yarmulkes.

Israel is the only country in the world that has a National Book
Week, during which almost everyone attends a book fair and buys books.

Israel is the only country in the world where the ultra-Orthodox
Jews beat up the police and not the other way around.

Israel is the only country in the world where inviting someone “out
for a drink” means drinking cola, coffee or tea.

Israel is the only country in the world where bank robbers kiss the
mezuzah as they leave with their loot.

Israel is one of the few countries in the world that truly likes and
admires the United States.

Israel is the only country in the world that introduces applications
of high-tech gadgets and devices, such as printers in banks that print out
your statement on demand, years ahead of the United States and decades ahead
of Europe.

Israel is the only country in the world where everyone on a flight
gets to know one another before the plane lands. In many cases, they also
get to know the pilot and all about his health or marital problems.

Israel is the only country in the world where no one has a foreign
accent because everyone has a foreign accent.

Israel is the only country in the world where people cuss using
dirty words in Russian or Arabic because Hebrew has never developed them.

Israel is the only country in the world where patients visiting
physicians end up giving the doctor advice.

Israel is the only country in the world where everyone strikes up
conversations while waiting in lines.

Israel is the only country in the world where people call an attaché
case a “James Bond” and the “@” sign is called a “strudel.”

Israel is the only country in the world where there is the most
mysterious and mystical calm ambiance in the streets on Yom Kippur, which
cannot be explained unless you have experienced it.

Sunsets in Jerusalem are gorgeous every evening.

Israel is the only country in the world where people read English,
write Hebrew, and joke in Yiddish.

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